The "Brady Bunch" house's mystery buyer has been revealed: After an intense bidding war erupted to purchase the iconic property made famous by the '70s sitcom, news has surfaced that the winning offer came not from an individual (sorry, Lance Bass), but cable channel HGTV.
While the house was listed for $1,885,000, it's currently unknown just how high HGTV had to go to seal the deal. But CEO David Zaslav of parent company Discovery did much to assure fans that they have grand plans to "restore the 'Brady Bunch' home to its 1970s glory as only HGTV can." This sounds great in theory, but what will it take to make that happen?
Inside the 'Brady Bunch' house: How it looks now
Granted, the house that HGTV bought was used only for exterior shots on the show; any "Brady Bunch" shenanigans inside the home were filmed far, far away in a Hollywood studio.
Nonetheless, if the cable network plans to truly please this show's many fans, one would hope that it aims to renovate the home's interior to match what we grew up glued to on TV.
And, well, based on the current listing photos, let's just say that HGTV has a whole lot of work to do. Here are just a few of the key things that'll need to change, big-time, to turn this place into the "Brady Bunch" house we know and love.
Drab down the exterior
Here's what the house looked like on the "Brady Bunch" (along with a very '70s station wagon parked out front) and, below that, how the house looks in real life if you did a drive-by today. All in all, it looks like the home's soon-to-be-ex-owners didn't do much to the outside other than add a stone fence and maybe jazz up the color.
Oh, and that extra window on the left? As any "Brady Bunch" fan will tell you, that's actually a fake window hung on the exterior just for the show, much like a picture frame on a wall. Hmm, we wonder if HGTV will install a fake window or the real thing.
The front exterior of the house as it appeared on the "Brady Bunch"
Lay on the wood paneling
Wood paneling was the shiplap of the '70s—which is why it was everywhere in the "Brady Bunch" home, particularly the den. While the actual house today has some wood paneling, it's not enough, not by far. It's time to cover up all that clean white paint with some dark wood boards, pronto.
A Brady family talk, surrounded by cozy wood panelling. This actual house has some wood paneling, but not enough.
Orange up the kitchen
Remember how orange the "Brady Bunch" kitchen was? Orange backsplash, orange counters, orange table—the hue even rubbed off on the sartorial choices of the family patriarch. We're amazed their maid (yes, they called them that back then), Alice, wasn't forced to wear an orange apron.
Currently, however, the kitchen has no orange in sight—just a whole lot of white countertops and wood cabinets. So, HGTV had better break out the orange paint, orange tiles, orange everything. Then add a splash of mint green.
Tear down the wallpaper
While wallpaper was definitely a thing in the '70s, the "Brady Bunch" bedrooms weren't hip to this trend. So, down the wallpaper must come. Which, in this case, we think is a good thing. All that pink toile is a bit much, particularly how it matches the bedspread.
Last but not least, let's not forget that the "Brady Bunch" house was a split-level, which means it had many levels connected by short flights of stairs. It looks like the house currently has the same architecture going on, but are the ups and downs in the right places?
It's hard to say, but we'd wager that fans of the show will take note if anything (and we really do mean anything) is off base.
The "Brady Bunch" house had many levels connected by short flights of stairs.
This sunken dining room is connected to the rest of the house by a short set of stairs.
All of this is a way to say that HGTV may have a long, grueling renovation on its hands if it hopes to bring the "Brady Bunch" house up to snuff. But hey, isn't that the stuff stellar renovation reality TV dreams are made of?